What do we really need to be happy?

Nothing of what we are led to believe we need. Do you really need the most fancy tooth paste to be happy? or most expensive phone? the oldest wine or the best bread out there ? Or the best position in your company? Or the best job or the best client? Do you believe that going to the most expensive restaurant is what you really need to be happy?  For some strange reason we all want customized experiences and products, we all want the best that’s out there because for some strange reason we believe if we have it that would make us happy, but when we are given so many options from where to choose, we have no idea what to choose and this in turn doesn’t only make us unhappy and uneasy but it complicates our lives to the extent of depression. And who could blame us.

Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” in Psychological Review, introduces the concept of the Hierarchy of Needs.  This hierarchy establishes the basic human needs , and the importance they have for an individual. There are physical needs like : air, water and food  which are metabolic requirements for survival and clothing and shelter which provide necessary protection from the elements. Once these are relatively satisfied, the individual’s safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs is interpersonal and involves feelings of belongingness. According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small.

So according to Maslow what you need is to breath, eat, sleep, be safe and belong. And now I ask you : would this make you happy? I have the impression it wouldn’t because there really is this great Tissot watch at the Mall that you wanted to buy on Christmas, and once you will finally be happy. Will it really?

Manfred Max-Neef, however, in collaboration with other scientists introduces the concept of Human Needs and Human-scale Development, which I believe better explain the need concept. He classifies the fundamental human needs as: subsistence,  protection,  affection, understanding,  participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom. Furthermore needs receive a further qualification by relating them to existential categories such as : being(qualities), having(things), doing(actions) and interacting (seetings).

Needs	Being	Having	Doing	Interacting
Subsistence	physical and mental health	food, shelter, work	feed, clothe, rest, work	living environment, social setting
Protection	care, adaptability, autonomy	social security, health systems, work	co-operate, plan, take care of, help	social environment, dwelling
Affection	respect, sense of humour, generosity, sensuality	friendships, family, relationships with nature	share, take care of, make love, express emotions	privacy, intimate spaces of togetherness
Understanding	critical capacity, curiosity, intuition	literature, teachers, policies, educational	analyse, study, meditate, investigate,	schools, families, universities, communities,
Participation	receptiveness, dedication, sense of humour	responsibilities, duties, work, rights	cooperate, dissent, express opinions	associations, parties, churches, neighbourhoods
Leisure	imagination, tranquility, spontaneity	games, parties, peace of mind	day-dream, remember, relax, have fun	landscapes, intimate spaces, places to be alone
Creation	imagination, boldness, inventiveness, curiosity	abilities, skills, work, techniques	invent, build, design, work, compose, interpret	spaces for expression, workshops, audiences
Identity	sense of belonging, self-esteem, consistency	language, religions, work, customs, values, norms	get to know oneself, grow, commit oneself	places one belongs to, everyday settings
Freedom	autonomy, passion, self-esteem, open-mindedness	equal rights	dissent, choose, run risks, develop awareness	anywhere

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All these are basic and fundamental to us. Anything outside of these needs is not really necessary. Max-Neef calls the ways of meeting our needs “Satisfiers”. They are means in which we tend to satisfy our needs on a daily basis. He defines them in the following categories.

Violators	Pseudo Satisfiers	Inhibiting Satisfiers	Singular Satisfiers	Synergistic Satisfiers
Claim to be satisfying needs, yet in fact make it more difficult to satisfy a need. E.g. drinking a soda advertised to quench your thirst, but the ingredients (such as caffeine or sodium salts) cause you to urinate more, leaving you less hydrated.	Claim to be satisfying a need, yet in fact have little to no effect on really meeting such a need. E.g. status symbols may help identify one’s self initially, but there is always the potential to get absorbed in them and forget who you are without them.	Those which over-satisfy a given need, which in turn seriously inhibits the possibility of satisfaction of other needs.E.g. an overprotective family stifles identity, freedom, understanding, and affection.	Satisfy one particular need only. These are neutral in regard to the satisfaction of other needs. E.g. food/housing volunteer programs aid in satisfying subsistence for less fortunate people.	Satisfy a given need, while simultaneously contributing to the satisfaction of other needs. E.g. breast feeding gives a child subsistence, and aids in the development in protection, affection, and identity.

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Thus according to Max-Neef satisfying your needs is much more complex than you think and it has very little to do with choosing the best toothpaste out of 14 different kinds or taking your wife for dinner at the most fancy restaurant you can afford. So did you buy that Tissot watch you wanted? And after you did were you happy? I would still argue that you aren’t ? Because maybe you didn’t get your dream job yet and if you had that then you will finally be happy, right? But after that you would want to have that beautiful girl for a wife. right? But that won’t make you completely happy either because … and we all know when this ends. Never!

Do you really need that? 

Sasha Peakall asks her readers this question and in turn I am asking you. Do you really need that thing to be happy? I will answer for you and say NO, you really don’t. Here’s the thing about “need.” We tell ourselves we “need” possessions, we “need” to fit in, we “need” to impress and once we get this for a short while we may be happy, but once the effect wares off we are still sad, we still want to smoke that cigarette to relax our brain, which honestly you don’t need it, we will still eat a bowl of ice-cream or french fries out of depression thinking that i will aid our pain, and it won’t and so on.

What you really need to make you happy doesn’t come from the outside it comes from the inside. And I know this sounds like a tree-huger Buddha- meditating statement but it’s true. When you were born you had nothing and you were happy, when you will die you will have nothing and I am certain that in that moment you will be happy again. So why torment yourself with these lies and excuses that you give yourself everyday.

A happy person is not one that has everything, but one that desires nothing …

go ahead meditate on this for a second. It will make you happier.

In the end I leave you with these 2 video I found most inspiring.

The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude

The Science of Happiness – Look on the Bright Side