What do we really need to be happy?

Nothing of what we are led to believe we need. Do you really need the most fancy tooth paste to be happy? or most expensive phone? the oldest wine or the best bread out there ? Or the best position in your company? Or the best job or the best client? Do you believe that going to the most expensive restaurant is what you really need to be happy?  For some strange reason we all want customized experiences and products, we all want the best that’s out there because for some strange reason we believe if we have it that would make us happy, but when we are given so many options from where to choose, we have no idea what to choose and this in turn doesn’t only make us unhappy and uneasy but it complicates our lives to the extent of depression. And who could blame us.

Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” in Psychological Review, introduces the concept of the Hierarchy of Needs.  This hierarchy establishes the basic human needs , and the importance they have for an individual. There are physical needs like : air, water and food  which are metabolic requirements for survival and clothing and shelter which provide necessary protection from the elements. Once these are relatively satisfied, the individual’s safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs is interpersonal and involves feelings of belongingness. According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small.

So according to Maslow what you need is to breath, eat, sleep, be safe and belong. And now I ask you : would this make you happy? I have the impression it wouldn’t because there really is this great Tissot watch at the Mall that you wanted to buy on Christmas, and once you will finally be happy. Will it really?

Manfred Max-Neef, however, in collaboration with other scientists introduces the concept of Human Needs and Human-scale Development, which I believe better explain the need concept. He classifies the fundamental human needs as: subsistence,  protection,  affection, understanding,  participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom. Furthermore needs receive a further qualification by relating them to existential categories such as : being(qualities), having(things), doing(actions) and interacting (seetings).

Needs	Being	Having	Doing	Interacting
Subsistence	physical and mental health	food, shelter, work	feed, clothe, rest, work	living environment, social setting
Protection	care, adaptability, autonomy	social security, health systems, work	co-operate, plan, take care of, help	social environment, dwelling
Affection	respect, sense of humour, generosity, sensuality	friendships, family, relationships with nature	share, take care of, make love, express emotions	privacy, intimate spaces of togetherness
Understanding	critical capacity, curiosity, intuition	literature, teachers, policies, educational	analyse, study, meditate, investigate,	schools, families, universities, communities,
Participation	receptiveness, dedication, sense of humour	responsibilities, duties, work, rights	cooperate, dissent, express opinions	associations, parties, churches, neighbourhoods
Leisure	imagination, tranquility, spontaneity	games, parties, peace of mind	day-dream, remember, relax, have fun	landscapes, intimate spaces, places to be alone
Creation	imagination, boldness, inventiveness, curiosity	abilities, skills, work, techniques	invent, build, design, work, compose, interpret	spaces for expression, workshops, audiences
Identity	sense of belonging, self-esteem, consistency	language, religions, work, customs, values, norms	get to know oneself, grow, commit oneself	places one belongs to, everyday settings
Freedom	autonomy, passion, self-esteem, open-mindedness	equal rights	dissent, choose, run risks, develop awareness	anywhere

source

All these are basic and fundamental to us. Anything outside of these needs is not really necessary. Max-Neef calls the ways of meeting our needs “Satisfiers”. They are means in which we tend to satisfy our needs on a daily basis. He defines them in the following categories.

Violators	Pseudo Satisfiers	Inhibiting Satisfiers	Singular Satisfiers	Synergistic Satisfiers
Claim to be satisfying needs, yet in fact make it more difficult to satisfy a need. E.g. drinking a soda advertised to quench your thirst, but the ingredients (such as caffeine or sodium salts) cause you to urinate more, leaving you less hydrated.	Claim to be satisfying a need, yet in fact have little to no effect on really meeting such a need. E.g. status symbols may help identify one’s self initially, but there is always the potential to get absorbed in them and forget who you are without them.	Those which over-satisfy a given need, which in turn seriously inhibits the possibility of satisfaction of other needs.E.g. an overprotective family stifles identity, freedom, understanding, and affection.	Satisfy one particular need only. These are neutral in regard to the satisfaction of other needs. E.g. food/housing volunteer programs aid in satisfying subsistence for less fortunate people.	Satisfy a given need, while simultaneously contributing to the satisfaction of other needs. E.g. breast feeding gives a child subsistence, and aids in the development in protection, affection, and identity.

source

Thus according to Max-Neef satisfying your needs is much more complex than you think and it has very little to do with choosing the best toothpaste out of 14 different kinds or taking your wife for dinner at the most fancy restaurant you can afford. So did you buy that Tissot watch you wanted? And after you did were you happy? I would still argue that you aren’t ? Because maybe you didn’t get your dream job yet and if you had that then you will finally be happy, right? But after that you would want to have that beautiful girl for a wife. right? But that won’t make you completely happy either because … and we all know when this ends. Never!

Do you really need that? 

Sasha Peakall asks her readers this question and in turn I am asking you. Do you really need that thing to be happy? I will answer for you and say NO, you really don’t. Here’s the thing about “need.” We tell ourselves we “need” possessions, we “need” to fit in, we “need” to impress and once we get this for a short while we may be happy, but once the effect wares off we are still sad, we still want to smoke that cigarette to relax our brain, which honestly you don’t need it, we will still eat a bowl of ice-cream or french fries out of depression thinking that i will aid our pain, and it won’t and so on.

What you really need to make you happy doesn’t come from the outside it comes from the inside. And I know this sounds like a tree-huger Buddha- meditating statement but it’s true. When you were born you had nothing and you were happy, when you will die you will have nothing and I am certain that in that moment you will be happy again. So why torment yourself with these lies and excuses that you give yourself everyday.

A happy person is not one that has everything, but one that desires nothing …

go ahead meditate on this for a second. It will make you happier.

In the end I leave you with these 2 video I found most inspiring.

The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude

The Science of Happiness – Look on the Bright Side

 

 

The Graveyard Book

“Sleep my little baby-oh
Sleep until you waken
When you wake you’ll see the world
If I’m not mistaken…

Kiss a lover
Dance a measure,
Find your name
And buried treasure…

Face your life
Its pain,
Its pleasure,
Leave no path untaken.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

 

Collection of moments

Life is just a balance,
Between left and right,
Between speech and silence,
Between love and fight,
Seriousness and laughter
Good luck and disaster…

Never does it fade
Nor does it shine too bright,
Of heartbeats it’s made,
Of innocence and light,
Of sadness and sorrows,
Of kindness and tomorrows…

Magical is life with its ups and downs,
Divine and so thrilling with millions of sounds…

In life in this second, nothing is in vain
But soon all will vanish, like tears in the rain…

 

Upon a soul

A murmur of the river on rocks set in the stream,
A chatter of the mind , on life, world, just a dream…

Silence descends upon them: a soul, a leaf, the wind…

Life and rocks are simple,
souls and leafs are humble,
they fall and be forgotten,
they die and end up rotten.

– Where is my soul, dear friend, whom did i loose it to?
Was it the mind, the world, or was it just to you?

-No , said the friend with voice a little shy,
Your soul, my dear, your soul is in the sky…

12.12.2011 – Amma

The Long Distance Runner :)

1 – Decision

It all began with my desire to run away from all the bad things in my life. Were these things really bad? At least I thought so. Ever since I had entered university I have had this desire to leave, to run away, to change , to move to a different world where I could feel in my element. The story of my desertion begins in February 2011 with a simple flyer seen in my school. The first thought was it sounds interesting, why not give it a try. But as many of my other thoughts of running away it just sank to the back of my mind and remained there for a long time. The only thing I’ve done a little later on was to suggest to my mom the idea of me leaving for the summer for internship and try to understand her reaction. Because her brain couldn’t cope with this new idea I presented she just pretend not to understand my question and went on doing what she usually did. I dropped it. Didn’t believe it would be possible. Some weeks later one of my friends asked me if I’ve seen the flyer with the summer internship. I replied that it has crossed my mind but did not give it to much importance. She told me she would very much like to apply but only if I applied with her. Then it started to really interest me. I began thinking what am I supposed to do, what was the flyer really about and what was it that was required for me to do. As Romanian bureaucratic system is, we went from one door to another and then back to square one only to realize that we have achieved absolutely nothing. After a week, one other friend joined us and so our courage and fighting desire boosted up enough for us to want to go on. Three of us now , we went directly to the person in charge with student exchange issues and thus we got all the information needed. And by the end of April we have already had the application form submitted, CV and portfolio sent to the office and were waiting for the answer. Were we accepted or not? At that point I couldn’t understand what this implied and thus I didn’t believe I could be possible for me to actually be accepted and to actually go to another country. Later on as I was in the plane flying towards Spain I could still not believe I was actually going away, leaving everything I ever was connected with my entire life.

April began and the application for Erasmus Scholarship was also beginning. It crossed my mind that maybe I should also apply for it just in case I was rejected. All of my friends were going to apply thus I have decided to do the same. But where would I go? For how long a time? If I was to go I would go for ever, I thought. If I wanted to separate myself from everything, I will have to do it thoroughly and with patience but the change would have to be radical. Belgium. Spain. Italy. England. Which one is the best? The longest period of time was 1 year and the options where only three. Bruxelles , Granada and Trento. Every country had a city. Spain will not be an option for me since the summer internship was in Malaga, Spain. Thus it will have to be one of the later. At the beginning I chose Bruxelles. My reasons. The school was the best, it was far enough and I would learn a new language. French. Unfortunately I was stopped in my decision by the extremely expensiveness of the city which my parents could not cover at all. Once dropped this decision the only one left was Italy, Trento. I Google searched everything I needed to know about this city, about the university. I loved it. It suited me and my spiritual needs. It was small, quite, in the mountains, close to Venice, Verona, Padova, Milan, it was a German influenced city and with every word I read I filled my heart with hope and delight. This would be my next city. My next adventure.

I was doing this. I was actually applying for a foreign country studies and work. I was tacking the big step. the one that I always wanted to do since I began high school. I didn’t want to leave because Romania was bad or because my parents were over possessive. I wanted to leave because for 23 years I have been so protected and so connected to a world I felt I didn’t belong to that the urge to find myself was killing me inside. I was nothing. I felt I wasn’t achieving anything. I felt so lost in my tracks that the only solution at that point was just leaving. I care about family, friends and close ones but until I don’t know myself I can’t be really connect to them. So the idea of not going away because I would miss them was not a problem to me. I would do everything I can to feel at home everywhere I go in the world because home is in my heart and not in the things around me.

I was afraid. I was terrified. I was petrified. I remember the last night home my mind was empty. I had no thoughts at all. It was just like standing on the edge, just a few seconds before jumping and the only thing left inside me was emptiness, silence. I remember that last day as it was yesterday. I was sitting in the back of my parents car. My sister was next to me. My father was driving. My mother was trying not to cry. And it was raining. for me at that point time stood still. Nothing in the world moved. Everything stopped for those few last hours. the city was the same, only this time it was moving in slow motion. I was trying to absorb everything. Remember the smell, the rain, the wetness, the colors, the sounds, the textures just as I’ve known them for the last 23 years. Nothing was useless, at that point everything in my city had it’s own right place. The imprint of that day will stood with me forever wherever I went from that moment on.

E tu per che non ridi?

breath in, breath out and… SMILE 🙂

:)

a white angel in a globe is whispering in words I don’t understand, the sound of water , a silent song, glittering yellow lights on top of mountains , sleep touching my eyes and happiness giggling at the corner of my lips. Everything here at the end of the world is telling me I can have whatever I wish for, the sky is not the limit anymore, nor is my soul, endless eternity of discovery , infinite strings of curiosity and vast spaces for the imagination to dwell upon decorate this landscape of such abundant variety of human contact, desire has no purpose anymore…

What you seek is seeking you.

just like heaven…

se poate dragilor, chiar se poate să te simți ca în rai , liniștit , fericit, liber, implinit și fără nici cea mai mică grijă sau frustrare… asta și o oră de alergat în fiecare seară te readuce înapoi la viața, la ritmul normal al vieții așa cu, trebuie să fie el. Un singur regret am… îmi lipsește enorm ploaia, Norii nu plâng aici decît o dată pe an, în martie pentru câteva zile. 😦

(500) Days of Summer

this is not a love story … it is a story about love

am ramas uimita sa descopar cat de bine ma regasesc in personajul masculin din acest film, care la fel ca mine , crede cu hotarare in destin si in faptul ca exista sufletul pereche pentru ca la final sa descopere ca asa ceva nu exista si ca totul sta sub semnul cnoincidentei si a liberului albitru… insa in ciuda acestei realizari el continua sa fie un indragostit incurabil, similar cu subsemnata 🙂 excluzand faptul ca personajul este arhitect , si eu sunt studenta la arhitectura si ca la un moment dat in film cartea care il aduce pe liniea de plutire este chiar aceeasi pe care am cumparat-o eu samptamana trecuta, Alain de Botton, Arhitectura Fericirii… mai departe va las pe voi sa intelegeti daca la adresa mea este vorba de o pura coincidenta sau filmul era menit sa il vizionez pentru a intelege ceea ce caut sa inteleg de mai bine de 3 saptamani… ca o conluzie am inteles 🙂 😀 😛

va recomand acest film cu caldura, tocmai pentru ca nu este o poveste de dragoste ci este o poveste despre dragoste, despre oameni diferiti cu pareri diferite legate de acest sentiment…si…. life…  o poveste de viata…

Vizionare placuta!!!1

dementiae et vitae

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. — Seneca

 

Chorus:
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot dooo

I’m afraid of the dark,
‘specially when I’m in a park
And there’s no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
(Repeat Chorus)

I’m a superstitious girl,
I’m the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit’s tail

I’ll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I’ll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don’t care!
(Repeat Chorus)

life, doo, doot dooo
doo, doot dooo

So after all is said and done
I know I’m not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to

Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain’t as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon
(Repeat Chorus)

din jurnalul fericirii…

…din nou citesc pe pagina invizibilului, aceleaşi texte pline de inspiraţie care mă fac să privesc mai adânc în mine şi să mă întreb diverse lucruri…citesc texte care crează momente de conştientizare… sunt doar momente, dar există totuşi, te fac să te întrebi ceva, transmit o tensiune…

mie de exemplu îmi place dimineaţa să mă trezesc cu un zâmbet pe faţă pentru că am mai ajuns să primesc încă o zi pentru viaţa mea… sunt înebunită să îmi terorizez sora şi prietenii cu îmbrăţişări şi mă exaltează la nebunie să vorbesc nimicuri cu D…. îmi place să zâmbesc tuturor celor cu care mă întâlnesc şi dintr-un motiv sau altul întră în discuţie cu mine… îmi place să adun frunze toamna, să merg desculţă vara, să dorm la umbră sub un copac mare primăvara… sau să cânt de una singură în timp ce spăl vasele… mai nou îmi plac şi activităţile meseriei mele, îmi place să pigluiesc ore în şir tot felul de lucruri la machete, la planşe, îmi place să mă furişez seara după 8 în căminul 9 la o farfurie de tortelini şi la o cană de lăptic… aşa cum îmi place să stau şi să privesc maşinile cum trec, în braţele celui drag, în staţia de autobuz… ador să privesc oamenii cum dorm, şi sunt înebunită să fotografiez oameni fericiţi fără ca aceştia să ştie… îmi place să observ lucrurile pe care alţii nu vor sau pur şi simplu nu le observă… aşa cum îmi place să ajung târziu acasă şi să mă trântesc în pat zâmbind în semn de mulţumire că şi astăzi am avut o zi superbă…

… cu propiile-mi mâini îmi modelez din lut viaţa…frământ bine pământul gălbui şi îl introduc în focul pasiunii…  adaug culoare şi iubire, sentiment şi trăire, implicare şi devotament şi creez cel mai frumos vas din ceramică… lutul nu se usucă…  îl umezesc în fiecare zi cu lacrimi de fericire şi îl remodelez continuu… dau viaţă cu fiecare secundă materiei fine care îmi mângâie mâinile… suntem modele în mâinile Domnului iar vieţile noaste sunt modele îm mâinile noastre… frumuseţea lor nu iese din calitatea materialului ci din cantitatea de iubire pe care o punem atunci când modelăm…

şi toate aceste lucruri mărunte şi nesemnificative pluc încă altele creează viaţa mea… e o viaţă măruntă, o picătură în ocean, dar oceanul ar fi mai mic fără această picătură….

vă doresc o zi minunată!!!!

fotografii cu oameni mici :P

Cărtureşti, 11 martie 2009

suntem toşi nişte străini printre străini şi fiecare îşi prezintă celuilalt harul său… ne zâmbim fără să spunem nimic şi spunem multe fără să ne zâmbim. Visăm la alţi străini, vorbim despre şi cu străini dar nu vedem defapt că avem totuşi atâtea lucruri în comun şi defapt nu suntem străini deloc… suntem unul în altul şi suntem acelaşi lucru…

 imagini cu  povestea unor poveşti…